Learning to Change Perspective
It was the time of year that i look forward to the most, Christmas. Not only because of the magic of the holiday, but because of the two magical weeks i receive off from work. Its a time used to relax, refresh, and catch up with family and friends. This year however, i took three weeks off and was surprised that my planned rest and relaxation was mard by the unexpected. When we have grand plans, life has a funny way of resurfacing the parts of ourselves that are often suffocated by the hustle of everyday life. We spend our days filled with To-do list that often has little to do with self care, and more to do with deadlines for someone else, or maintain our basic everyday need. This past holiday, without intending to i reconnected with myself and looked intuitively and intentionally at the direction of my life, my habits, and the deep longings within me. Over and over again my soul brought me back to four areas in my life that needed so much needed perspective. I had become disconnected from me, and connected into everything and everyone else.
Drawn back to God
Being a christian does not mean perfection, in fact it often means being painfully aware of how much there is a need for God. Over the past year i found myself yoyo-ing in my commitment as a christian. This commitment does not entail rigidity, but communion with the God of the universe, my savior. Changing my perspective from perfection, to communion vastly changed the way i view my time with God, my prayer life, and the discipleship that is Christianity.
The need for fulfillment
I feel fortunate enough to have a great job, great pay, and employees i consider friends. But call it burn out, or restlessness, i started to find myself feeling more and more disconnected with what i was doing, and gradually move to autopilot mode, meeting my deadlines but still feeling very unfulfilled. Leaning into the discomfort is something i am learning to do very well. It is the only way to get to the other side and find what you are looking for, or at the least find the fulfillment needed.
My original dreams still exist
My love for reading began in the fourth grade. I remember my teacher Ms.Louie having a little library in the classroom. She encouraged us to read, and to love reading, she also encouraged us to read books of worth, topics that would give us a sense of understanding of the world around us. i feel fortunate to have lived most of my life without social media. Those formative years introduced me to classical works from Jane Austin, to my love of murder mystery from Agatha Christie. Those were years i read endless amounts of books, and wrote endless amount of stories, filled my journals with thoughts, and discovered my love for psychology and mental health at age 12. I had creativity, and its possibilities gave me hope for a future as a writer, or designer. Fast forward almost 20 years and life is alot different, and i find myself doing alot more of things that disconnect me from who i hoped to become. The day you realize that you are on the wrong course, is the day you get your life back. For me that day was me sitting on my bed, during my break going through old journals and realizing how much i've sacrificed myself to be what i was expected to do.
Leaning in to what intimidates you is a good thing
I recently read an article from Career Contessa centered around creating a Intimidation list (read here). The article asked readers to write a list of the things that intimidated you, and then subsequently work through that list with the hopes that by staring your fears in the face, you can challenge them. The list, my list was eye opening. I found that my own dreams, hopes and desires intimidated the heck out of me, for the simple reason that with big dreams comes a responsibility to work hard without knowing if it will be worth it. A struggle i will continue to work through.
Informed consumer Back in November i took a break from social media and wrote a post explaining why the break was necessary (read here). Since returning, i have had a lack luster enthusiasm about wasting my brain cells scrolling. Do not get me wrong, social media is entertaining and it is a great way to stay connected to my friends that live all of the United States. But like most thing that were once new, fresh and exciting. Social media in general is losing its appeal for me. The inauthenticity, the ridiculous amount of consumerism, the hype to become a influencer, its all very jarring. I get it, the many platforms offered have made some reach and live their dreams faster than they could have imagined, but if i have to become a marketing tool to live my dream, i do not want it. The idea of followers never ever sat right with me, the idea of constantly having to post, constantly needing to beg for readers is just not appetizing. I've fallen trap to this many times, and it was only when i took a break have i realized how much one app can control so much of how i view myself, others and my desires. Naive consumption can and will always lead to a lack of clarity in who we are. The lines become blurred. Im learning to live present, and with my eyes open. Becoming aware of what i am being sold on a daily basis, through whatever platform used, is the greatest form of self awareness i can possess.
